We're still here!

I must apologize for the lack of updates, I get horrible writer's block that I can't quite explain even to myself.

It's been a wonderful 3 months with our beautiful gift from God. Every day starts in such an awesome way when we get to see that wonderful smiling face looking at us with such pure, true happiness! She has been sleeping every night since she was 8 weeks old in her own room and Mom and Dad are very thankful for the opportunity to get the much needed full nights sleep that evaded us for 2 months.

We have had many firsts as you can imagine. It seems like every day she figures out something new. Just a few days ago, while sitting on the "Laura shelf" on Daddies lap (that would be the spare tire I've been developing for her) she noticed that there were some strange little creatures attached to the end of her legs. I noticed her wide open eyes were absolutely transfixed on the wiggly little piggies that were kicking and clenching in front of her. The look on her face was such sincere amazement and mystification, I never realized that she had most likely not made the connection that those were her feet and she was in control of them, or at least in theory she had control of them. I told her that they were her "feet " and introduced her to Little Miss Lefty and Little Miss Righty. She still seemed confused so I took her hands and touched them to each one. She stiffened up, her eyes opened even wider, and she jumped back as her little brain tried to compute the fact that she felt not only the touch in her hands but in her new found "feet" as well! She looked at me with such a innocently surprised face, it was one of the cutest things I have ever seen! Laura and her little feet have since become very good friends and have been seen to engage in some very animated conversation.

Baseball is definitely her favorite sport, she hasn't even shown any interest in any of the other ones. On March 17th, her 8th day of life and her first St. Patrick's Day, we took her to her first baseball game, a Spring Training game between the Indians and the Rangers. She had a great time, sitting in the soft green grass beyond the outfield wall, waiting patiently for her chance to catch a home run ball. Unfortunately that never came to pass, but the chance to hang with Mommy, Daddy, Aunty M, Uncle Sean, and Marissa made up for any missed opportunities.

She also has been to 5 regular season D-Backs games so far, while her fanatical Daddy has only been to 2. Strangely her Mommy and Grandma Paula have been to 5 games as well, so they seem to enjoy sneaking off while I am at work. She does really seem to enjoy the time she spends in the ballpark. The big loud crowds, the sudden shouts of excitement (or disappointment as it may be this year), and hustle and bustle to get to and from the seats don't seem to faze her in any way. For long periods she will just stare at the action down on the field, seemingly studying the nuances of the game and the strategy that is unfolding before her little eyes. OK, maybe that is just wishful thinking from a proud Papa. Most likely she is staring at her reflection on the big fat bald guy's head that is sitting in front of us. Either way she is as comfortable at the ballpark as she is at home so it makes me soooo encouraged and happy!



On her first Mother's Day, Danielle was blessed to have the opportunity to have Laura dedicated to the Lord at our church. Our friends and family seemed to take up about 25% of the seats and we were very glad so many were there to join us on such a joyous occasion! It really meant the world to us to have that much love and support from those that mean so much to us. Thank you all, we love you!

Tuckered out on Dedication Day

I will try to do more updates now that I may have broken the blocks that clog my mind. However, I have heard a rumor that as she grows, Laura may demand more attention than she does now. I certainly hope so.

Off to join the world

Our journey has really started. Not that I thought it wasn't for real, but the tiny life, with beautiful blue eyes, fidgeting in your arms, looking at everything with such curiosity and wonder, really signaled the true start of our family.

Everything went well after the birth. All Laura's vitals and senses checked out as good as can be, with the exception of her hearing in one of her ears and the nurse thought she may be a little jaundiced. They were sure the hearing concern was probably just fluid still in the ear but we had to schedule another test to make sure and thankfully she passed with flying colors. As for the jaundice, we thought the nurses were crazy because the only way you could see any jaundice, or yellowing of the skin, was if you pressed on her nose, but it would fade very quickly as the color returned. The rest of her was an almost otherworldly mix of red and purple skin tones that kinda made her look sunburned with horrible circulation in her extremities. We had already been assured that these colors were normal and would eventually fade to normal skin tones, so we didn't worry that our daughter would forever look like we forgot her in the sun instantly branding us as horrible parents to every new person to meet her. OK, maybe I worried about this a little more than I should have, that's what new parents do. We had to schedule her first appointment to the pediatrician for the next day where they agreed with us about the nurses assessment, she was just fine.

While at the hospital I was the lucky one to get the honor to change her first poopy diaper. Keep in mind I have only changed a few wet diapers, much less one on a wiggly newborn full of some sort of sticky asphalt tar that, if I had not been warned beforehand, terrify me into believing that my daughter was horrifically sick. Kinda makes you wonder what Adam and Eve thought the first time they encountered this natural wonder. Regretted that apple, I'm sure. I received a lot of coaching from Danielle's brother Mike, and my sister Beth gave me hands on help as I tried to work around the 3 or 4 extra legs Laura seemed to sprout as I was mopping up. I did pretty good and other than the alien consistency and stickiness of the substance it was not a bad experience. In God's infinite wisdom, He seems to have held back any accompanying foul odor, that when combined with the sight of this first 'cleanout', would probably have hurt mankind's survival through the years. He is very wise.

We had a lot of wonderful visitors at the hospital and Laura was the ultimate hostess. She was always glad to see them, let them hold her, and she looked as cute as a button along the way.

The hospital makes you stay at least 24 hours after the birth to make sure all is well and you can stay another day if you would like. We decided that although the hospital room was close to being a 4 star hotel, minus all the amenities except TV and a bathroom, we were done and left as soon as Mommy and baby were cleared for takeoff.

Home sweet home here we come!

The after birth

Yeah, this chapter's title sounds gross. I really am just talking about the time after Laura is introduced to the world but it kinda has two meanings, as you'll see.

Almost immediately our little baby is swaddled and put on Danielle's chest to meet her mommy for the first time. Her beautiful eyes are wide open, seemingly teary due to the medicine they put in them to prevent infection, and she is just staring and blinking at the smiling woman now holding her. What must she be thinking? About 5 hours ago someone drained her relaxing amniotic bath, then the walls started really pushing in on her like the scene in Star Wars where they are trapped in the Death Star's trash compactor, minus the Wookie of course. Then, to top it off, she was pushed out of this wonderfully warm, padded water-world, through an opening that wants to be accommodating but falls quite short of spacious, into a bright, loud, freezing chaos that ambushes every underdeveloped sense she has. How could you not be terrified and traumatized?

Maybe newborns have a direct connection with the voice of God. As the final moments of labor approach He may whisper to them, "I love you. I am always here. All will be well.". The look on her face is so tranquil, so content and inquisitive. It is truly a peacefulness that I can not ever remember seeing before this moment.

Seeing my two girls together for the first time is so overwhelming. Did I mention I was crying? Yeah, maybe even slightly sobbing. Maybe. Hard to tell. I hear the doctor saying here comes the placenta. The nasty bloody melon that has haunted my dreams. So, of course, I have to watch. I feel compelled to. It is a highly unattractive, veiny, bloody thing, but I have to marvel at it since it helped my baby girl come into this world. As a matter in fact I might even go as far as to say that Laura's placenta was way cuter than the one in the film. I may already be a tad bit biased towards my daughters amazingness.

I decide to cut the umbilical cord. It really is the only actual physical contribution I have been able to do in the last 9 months so it should make me feel accomplished. All I have to do is cut between the clamps, I am told. I figured I would have a good inch or so to aim for but instead I have a gap that is barely wider than the surgical scissors that I have been handed. With a jittery hand I take aim and strike my target and close the blades on the cord. It doesn't just cut like a hot knife through butter mind you. You have to hack your way through it. It takes 3 good cuts to separate mommy from baby. Quite a weird sensation, having never actually scissored into flesh. Very satisfying though. I am the dad, see me hack.

At this point I have no idea where my camera is so I try to take a picture with my phone. I have had this phone for a while now and I should have no problem taking a little pic. All i have to do is hit two buttons and be done. Nope, can't figure it out with my fumbling fingers and swirling brain waves and emotions. I finally figure it out and I have no room for any new photos in the memory. Great time for this electronic hiccup. So as I am messing around with this mounting crisis, feverishly trying to delete old photos of pizza and baseball games, Danielle has to actually yell at me to get my attention back to her. It seems the doctor is not quite done with her as he is not sure the entire placenta and the after birth have been delivered. She is clutching at me with more intensity than most of her contractions as Doc is 'mining' for the baggage Laura has left behind.. She looks like she is dying in pain since it looks like the doctor is trying to turn her in to the next muppet. Sorry for the visual. I think the doctor forgot she didn't have an epidural and she now is asking for drugs. He asks what she would like. "I JUST WANT TO BE HIGH!', she moans in agony. This from the woman who had never been drunk, much less ever even thought about being HIGH. I can't help but laugh a little but it really drove home to me how much pain she was in. Immediately she is given a good dose of Stadol and she gets what she was looking for. It helps the pain almost instantly but of course does not eliminate it. Fortunately, the doctor finishes the mission and it is almost over. This is the one sight I wish I had not seen. The placenta was no problem compared to seeing the afterbirth hunt and extraction. At least I will no longer be afraid of melons. Now maybe it will be muppets.

And so the scene closes. Mommy starts to relax, the pain finally subsiding as the meds take affect. Daddy gets to take his little princess and hold her for the first time. All is well.

The longest, most wonderfulest day of our lives (and DeeLeeBob's too!)

We got to the hospital at 12:30 and we said a prayer in the car for God's strength and guidance as he unveiled his most wonderful blessing he was about to reveal to us. We checked in and were taken upstairs to begin the process of induction. As we were about to enter the labor and delivery area of the 2nd floor, I was asked to stay outside for a few minutes while they processed Danielle into her room. If in 10 minutes I had not heard from them, pick up the phone and they will buzz me in the secured doors. Seems this is the time they ask the mother if the father beats her. Really. She is about to give birth and they want to know if the man is abusive. Don't get me wrong, I think it is great that a woman is given a chance to tell someone who can get her help that she is abused by her significant other, but how effective is the timing? She is about to do something that is extremely stressful and difficult, not to mention painful, and this is the time that they feel she would turn over on the one who is there for her to lean on and help guide them through the process? I suppose if even one woman gets the help she needs, it's worth it. I, of course, have nothing to worry about. Danielle is the one who beats me. Really. At every game we ever play.

Well, 10 minutes pass with no open doors. I pick up the phone to be told she's not ready yet. No chairs to sit in. Just stand in the hall with all the baggage like a puppy waiting to be let in. So I turn to my phone and browse Facebook looking to find someone to talk to. I found one person I could carry on a one way conversation with for the next 30 minutes. Thanks Jaime. Sorry Jaime.

Finally I gain entrance and meet Danielle in our induction room. For the actual delivery we will be in a much larger room. It is now pushing 1:30 am and we haven't even started. More questions about her health and current situation and its actually a little after 2:00 when the gel that will speed along her dilation is applied. She is at 2cm so the plan is 3 rounds of the gel, after each she will need to spend one hour resting, one hour walking. So the big show won't start for at least 6 hours. We really begin to see how long of a night it will be. After the first dose, the nurse is checking her vitals and hears something a little different about Danielle's heart beat and does a quick EKG which shows she seems to have an extra heartbeat every now and then, but not in any discernible pattern. She has had no other problems with her heart so this is news to us and could change the way her delivery progresses. A more detailed monitoring of her is ordered. After that is finally completed we only have about 30 minutes of walking time before the next dose. Danielle is not sad about this fact, getting around has begun to be quite laborious. No pun intended. Before the 2nd dose she is found to be at 3cm and will probably only need 1 more dose before moving to her delivery room for the big show.

We move into the room around 6:00 and she is at about 5cm so the last round is not necessary. We have to wait however, for the doctor to come on duty at 7:30 to start the medicine that will start the contractions and if the water is still intact he will break that as well. In the meantime, we ask how many people will be in the room for the delivery. 2 nurses, 1 doctor as long as everything goes as planned. We felt reassured that it will not be a circus while Danielle's in a rather exposed state. Plans change. Almost immediately we are asked if it would be OK if a student nurse shadowed our nurse to get experience. Danielle says that's fine. Another nurse comes in and decides it would be a great learning experience for the student to practice putting an IV in Danielle. I can almost hear D's mind screaming, "Why did I agree to this!". Unfortunately the nurses can not. She does really well, finds a good vein, hits it on the first stick, Michael breathes a sigh of relief. Danielle is just staring at the ceiling, which is very fortunate. The student pulls out the needle too early and blood starts shooting out all over her hand, falling to pool on the floor. It takes 2 bloody towels to clean the hand and a few on the floor to mop up the drippings, then a student nurse with a now shaky hand finally gets the procedure done. Not a great start, but hopefully the worst is over. Somehow I think I'm wrong.

The doctor is supposed to be in at 7:30 but we have begun to see a phenomenon known as 'doctor time', they always seem to run late. It is just as well as it allows for Mary Beth and Danielle's mom Paula, to get there before the fun starts. Doc finally gets in about 9:00am and it turns out that just as he got in he had to do another delivery before he could get to us. He starts the Petosin drip , which is the medicine to accelerate the contractions and speed up the labor process. It really starts to make a difference as we can see Danielle dealing with stronger contractions and at quicker intervals. She is doing well dealing with the pain but is starting to question whether or not she is up to dealing with the pain. About this time the anesthesiologist comes in to meet her and is told," Thanks,but I would like to stay away from you". She has made her mind up, we seem to have hit the point of no return. Soon the contractions really start to get hard and Danielle is starting to contemplate if she can do it. Finally she asks for something, anything, except the epidural. Because she rarely takes any pain medicine at home the nurse is reluctant to give her morethan her body can handle so she gives her the smallest measure of Stadol that she can, to see how she handles it. She is only at 5cm, so there will most likely be time before she reaches 7cm, the cut off time for IV drugs, to give her more. Immediately we see a difference as the peaks of the pain seem to get a little easier to deal with, but she is still in quite a lot of pain. At this point I am mainly her only hands on coach and its getting rough. To see her in this much pain is killing me.

After about an hour it is absolutely unbearable for her. Her face is showing some fear of what she is going through and she is second guessing her decision. She does not break her convictions though, no epidural. The nurse checks and we are at the 7cm mark now, no more IV meds. This is the big showdown, Danielle versus the unforgiving Labor Pains. I capitalize it because at this point it is a named entity. Godzilla would not be able to tail whip and stomp this monster. I believe that medivel torture might be a vacation compared to this foe.

I tell her that if she changes her mind about the epi she will really have to somehow convince me because at this point I am wholly committed to get her through this and any pleading is just the pain talking and not her lovely stubbornness cracking under the pressure. She says she just needs to know it will end. I assure her it will get there, that my favorite saying I learned from my mother, "This too shall pass", is true.

"No!", she says,"I need a time that it will end. Like tell me it will only be 20 more minutes!"

So began the longest 20 minutes of her life. It must have seemed like 3 hours to her. In fact it was the first time that the period of time between 11 am and 2 pm took place in 20 minutes. It seemed to work, she never challenged it and it gave her a goal. From this point on I really don't remember a whole lot of specifics. Mary Beth and Paula really came into the picture for us and coached both me and her through this. I know my experience was nothing compared to Danielle's but I had to get through a few mental blocks to get to the end. I cannot even begin to express how helpless and tortured I felt watching the absolute love of my life endure this. All I could do was talk and let her destroy my hand. Several times I started to breakdown and needed to know it was only 20 more minutes. I prayed to God for the strength for both of us to make it through because I was convinced at a couple of moments that we would not be able to do this. Without the support of MB and Mom, I would not have been able to make it and it was a Godsend they were there.

At his point it really got scary. Danielle had rolled over to her side, which meant the nurse always had to adjust the fetal monitor to pick up the heart beat. Only this time the nurse was not in the room and instead of 'losing' the heartbeat on the monitor, this time it seemed to be picking up the slowing heartbeat of the baby. I was listening horrified, trying to figure out if the slowing would stop. After what seemed like forever, the nurse rushed in to check it out and in a very controlled concerned manner tried to get the heartbeat to pick up. She tried to call for assistance but due to remodeling near the nurses station the others could not hear her. Finally another nurse walked in and you could tell this was not the one she was hoping for. She sent her off and next thing we know there is a big parade of help as they start to get her into a position to allow the bab to get circulation and get the room ready for the actual delivery. At this point Danielle made the very clear announcement to the nurse,"My hoo-hoo hurts!". The nurse was very confused so it was explained that due to the amount of 3 year olds she watches at home, this was her way of saying the baby was moving down for towards the exit. Very quickly everything came back under control and progressed in a quick and safe manner. Thank God the nurses had cool heads under pressure.

This was it, she was at 10cm and it was time to get the doctor. He was in the OR delivering another baby. The nurses set us up in case one of them had to catch. I knew I should have brought my baseball mitt. I thought it would really suck if after all this our doctor was not able to make it for the very end. Fortunately he made it in and we began the pushing.

This was really the only time Danielle let herself make the sounds we had heard earlier in the week, as the pain seemed to increase tenfold. Ten times tenfold. It was made very apparent after each progressive contraction that "IT HURTS!!". The neighbors were now aware it was not a cake walk. I was so amazed she had made it this far, and I knew she could do the rest, but it was going to be unbearable. She really only had about 45 minutes of hard labor and 5 rounds of hard pushing to get to the end, and from what we had heard from other womens birth stories, this was quick for the first baby.

Just then the nurses station buzzed in. "Mrs. Kenan?", the speaker asked. "Whhaaatt?", Danielle managed to answer. "Can Dan come in?", it was Danielle's father. "No!", she replied without any hesitation. Sorry Dan, not the right time, but soon! We all remarked that maybe this was a sign of the sex since it would have been Daniel if it was a boy. We, as well as he, would have to wait.

Seeing the baby crowning was one of the most amazing sights I have ever seen. With each push a little more was being unveiled. The amount of hair on the head was so thick and dark, I told Danielle that the baby got her gorgeous hair. Danielle wanted to "get it out already!" and wasn't sure if she could do it. She really had to reach down deep for each push, only able to get about two good ones with each contraction. As the head reached it's outermost point, she seemed about to take a break but I truly believe that God gave her the energy and determination to do one last push.

With that last effort our lives changed forever. The baby came out in one motion, head to feet and our mystery was unveiled. It was a girl, Laura Anne. I have never felt such amazing love in my heart. Of course I cried, how could I not. She is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. A head full of glorious hair, 10 fingers, 10 toes, and the greatest crying voice I have ever heard. Perfect in every way. We were now a full family. Seeing Danielle hold her in her arms, looking at her with absolute awe and true love, made my heart melt, my mind explode, and my soul sing out in praise of Our Father's amazing blessings!

Never would I trade these moments for anything in the world. I truly have so much respect and admire my wife for what she did, her resolve to conquer her biggest challenge carried her through. I love her truly madly.

The last day as D.I.N.K.S (Dual Income, No KidS)

Sunday March 8th. We went to church, where a few people thought she was crazy for working in the toddler room the day before she was going to give birth to her first baby. I really think this kind of questioning only makes her stronger, like verbal spinach or some kind of steroid that builds her resolve to do what others think is crazy. I have grown to love this about her, she is a very strong, yet truly stubborn, woman. She's my rock.

Afterwards we went shopping for the 'official going home outfit'. We really only needed a girls ensemble as there were several people who were certain that we would have a boy and already provided us with that option. I found a great outfit that worked for both options, but was told that the D-Backs Sedona Red was not a neutral color. I still disagree but I deferred to her opinion. We needed some pink in case it was a girl. Most likely not, as it turns out. Both Danielle and I were starting to think our instincts were telling us we would be taking home a little Daniel but only God knew at this point. And several ultrasound techs. At least they were in great company. We found a really cute pink outfit and some cute boy pants to match a shirt we already had. We were set. Covering all our bases. Sedona Red come later, Danielle will come around to the idea.

The rest of the day flew by, getting the house touched up so we came home to a clean and tidy house. We packed her bags and and made sure all other loose ends were tied up, relaxed for a little and at 8:00 went to bed to get three hours of sleep before calling a 11:00 to make sure they had room for us. 3 hours rest to get ready to do possibly one of the hardest, most exhausting things a person could do. As Danielle often describes giving birth, "it's like pushing a watermelon out your pee-hole". She is so eloquent, it is almost poetic. Kinda romantic. I love her.

At 11:00 we got the green light. Come on in at 12:30 am. We'll leave the light on for you. With nervous excitement we got ready, and headed out into the night to meet the biggest mystery we have ever known.

Time flies when you run out of it

I was going to blog about a few more things before the big moment, but it came on us pretty quick.

On Tuesday the 3rd we went in for our weekly scheduled OB appointment and all seemed normal and on schedule with no concerns. Later that day we went for our last scheduled ultrasound to check the size of DLB, which if you remember is a concern due to Danielle's diabeties. The pictures were amazing, giving us a final glimpse of our beautiful baby before the due date on the 24th. After checking the heart, lungs, and other vitals, which were all awesome, they measured the abdomen, head, and the arm and leg bones to get an idea of how big and how much the baby was at this point. They estimated the weight to be 8lbs 3oz, but were concerned about the size of the head and shoulders. The shoulders are estimated in size by looking at the size of the head and belly. As with the head, the shoulders can be difficult to deliver if they are too big. The ultrasound doctor only reports on what he sees and sends it on to our OB/GYN for him to make any decisions. He said it would be sent over the next day so just to wait until we heard from him to see what was the next step.

Leaving the office I felt in my gut that the baby was getting too big, that the doctor was most likely going to have something to say when he got the report the next day. We went home to try to put the last finishing touches on the nurserynow that we knew we may not ahve 3 more weeks. That same afternoon our doctor called. The fact that he got the report that fast and was getting back to us this quickly made me pretty concerned. Danielle took the call and from what I was hearing it sounded too me that we would be inducing the birth. As Danielle got off the phone I asked if we would be having a baby next week. Instead of the excited response I expected, Danielle broke down in tears. I was absolutely terrified. Danielle doesn't break down easily. To see her this way was so different I wasn't sure what the doctor could have told her.

Induction was the plan, most likely Sunday night. What really concerned Danielle was the fact that in order to make sure the baby was ready she had to have an amniosentisis to make sure the lugs were developed enough to be ready to breathe. She was terrified that after what seemed to be a perfect pregnancy we were now faced with uncertainty. I assured her that every thing would be fine, we were 37 weeks in and that was considered full term and there were no other concerns ather than to make sure everything was ready for the big day. We talked for along time and we resolved that God's plan was already in place and He would guide us through, we would continue to put our trust in Him.

On Friday we went in to the hospital for the test. It took place in a small room in the Labor and Delivery floor of our hospital so we were able to get a look at how it all worked. Danielle was quite worried about having a needle put into her womb to extract amniotic fluid and we heard the needle was quite daunting. She was incredibly nervous. As it urns out the needle is rather long but very thin so she barely felt it. The doctor liked the looks of the fluid but we would have to wait for the official results to know wether we induced Sunday or waited another week. Due to the possibility of the test inducing labor we had to stay there for about 2-3 hours to monitor her contractions.

While she was having contractions, they were barely felt but we had to stay to keep track of them.. As we were waiting we heard a few women in active labor. HEARD THEM. We have been told that almost all women who are able to get epidurals do get them, so most likely the sounds we were hearing were from women that were already supposed to be drugged up. There were sounds that seemed to come from animals. Animals in a lot of pain and not being shy about letting the world know. Not what either of us wanted to hear, especially Danielle. I know I wanted an epidural, hopefully Danielle would change her mind as well.

You see Danielle had decided to do the delivery 'au natural'. Her mother had done it, so why not her? I really wanted her to not have to endure that pain but since she had made up her mind I decided to do my best and support her in that. Up until the point she changed her mind. Hopefully and mercifully. I didn't want to imagine the sounds she may express her discomfort with. It could haunt the baby. Or the daddy. Or the couple taking a simple test in the other room. Or the daddy.

That night we got the call. Lungs like a marathon runner, Sunday night at 12:30 in the morning was the start of the big day. The countdown had begun.

Long time no see......

So life has a way of making time get away from you and when you throw in writer's block and the fact that I am not an 'amateur-crastintator' I am 'PRO-crastinator' it easily gets to be 2 months since my last post.

Lots has happened since January. We finished our birthing class and, luckily for me , had no new horrifying revelations of what we are going to be experiencing during the birth. The image of the placenta still haunts me. I fear the 'melon' aisle at the supermarket to this day. We learned some breathing techniques that hopefully will come in handy during birth if I can remember them while my hand turns purple and starts to wither away from lack of circulation as Danielle is clamped to it. Hee-Hee-Hoo. Thats what I remember mostly. Hopefully it helps.

Danielle had a wonderful baby shower where DLB recieved more presents than the next 5-6 Christmas's combined! She had a wonderful time with all her friends and family and was lucky enough to be able to have it mostly outside in the most perfect Arizona February weather. Of course, since the sex of the baby is still a mystery, we received most of the baby clothes in "neutral" yellows and greens, so itwill looks like our baby is celebrating springtime until next November. The clothes are incredibly cute and adorable but I can't help but wonder who thought up the idea that yellows and greens are neutral? I myself have never worn light yellow or pastel green. In my short 36 years on this planet I don't think I ever remember hanging out with my friends, kicking back in our lilac jeans and looking cool in our egg yolk yellow dyed leather jackets. Maybe I just hung out with the wrong crowd for that. Tuly the only 'neutral' color I can think of is black, but I don't see Danielle putting our baby in miniature versions of the clothes that I would have worn in high school. Do they make ripped jeans for babies?

More later, I'm off to work, to pay for all the new pink or blue clothes we'll need. And formula. And diapers. And toys. And shoes. And doctor's bills. And a billion other things I can't even fathom yet.

School for the newly blessed

We attended our first of four birthing classes last night at Banner Thunderbird hospital and were not really sure what to expect. We were instructed to bring two pillows and a large towel so we assumed we would be sitting on the ground just like you always see in the movies. I was not so thrilled about this because 2 1/2 hours on the floor even with a pillow was not very enticing. I grabbed two pillows off the bed but had to discourage Danielle from bringing the memory foam one with the Tow Mater pillowcase from the movie Cars. If this class was in 4 months we could say the pillow was DLB's but for now I didn't want to be the only one with a Disney themed birthing practice bed. When we got there we found it to be in a large conference room, with chairs and tables around a large space in which it seemed we would be getting comfy later. All the soon-to-be parents seated around the U shaped table setup with all their pillows and towels looked like some strange kind of adult slumber party waiting to happen.

We were packed in there pretty tight so instead of hiding behind the stack of pillows we had brought, and to spare us and those seated around us from the strange mothball smell that permeated the clean pillow cases we pulled form the linen storage, I laid down my jacket and put them on the floor behind us. I though I was the only smart one in the room as everyone else kept them on the table in front of them. As I was about to find out once again in my life I rarely am the smartest one in the room. The first thing our teacher talked about was we would not actually be on the floor because she felt that hospitals floors were incredibly dirty and she would not want to expose our linens to that kind of cornucopia of germs. I however, in my infinite wisdom, had not foreseen that tidbit of knowledge and could hear the germs jumping up and down on our pillows behind us. Actually, I had laid down my germ resistant leather jacket to protect us so all would be well. I really believe that so let me be.

Our teacher has been a nurse since 1954 and has a lot of knowledge of obstetrics and babies. The first part of the class was a little boring as she talked an awful lot about nutrition which we have already heard from our doctor. She was informative but we were getting a little bored as was the rest of the class so we had to stand up and do some 'breathing exercises' to wake us up. Not necessarily to help with easing the 'discomfort' of childbirth but to wake us up. It did work though and I'll probably try it at work next time I get to the point where I'm zombified.

At the end of the class we watched a video that I expected to graphically show what happens during birth. Crowning, water breaking, splatters, epesiotomies, cottage cheese covered babies, and the other wonderful things I have had described to me. Over the years I have seen parts of these things on TV until I accidentally changed the channel before the images burned into my mind and produced night terrors. Fortunately it was a very interesting film that was more informative about the third trimester and what is happening to a woman's body as the baby prepares to enter the world. I expected to see a film like the ones in Health class back in high school, shot in the 60's or 70's and narrated by the same guy who used to do the Disney nature films from the same time period. This one was not quite as old, obviously shot in the early 90's, and well narrated. I pointed out to Danielle one guys haircut that was the same one I had when I was hired at Sardella's in 1991, shaved all the way around the sides and back but long on top pulled back into a ponytail. I remembered how cool I looked. I think she choked on her laughter.

At the very end they did show an actual birth but not too graphically and I made it through fine. It made me feel that I would make it through our baby's birth without landing on the germ laden hospital floor. Then I saw the placenta. My jaw went agape. WHAT THE? No one ever told me that after the most incredible experience I could imagine, my wife was going to 'give birth' to a bloody melon that they would catch in a bucket. I always thought a placenta was a withered piece of fleshy stuff that kinda just came out after the baby and I wouldn't even see the thing. In the video the doctor brought it over to show the mother the bloody watermelon she had passed and even moved it around for a better view for her. NOT NECESSARY. Even as I write this my face is wrinkled in shock of seeing this. We (I) must remember to bring this up with the doctor and let him know that we (I) do not need to get a better look at the afterbirth produce aisle.

That concluded our first class, and gosh darn it, we only have 3 more to go!